How could you?

I am Job.
I have a family.
I have my field and my money.
But it's now all gone.

How could you?
I thought we had a relationship.
I offered my sacrifices. Faithfully.
Yet you did it anyway.

How could you?
You took my wealth.
You took my children.
You even take away my health.

How could you?

I am God.
Your family is mine.
Your field and your money.
They are all mine.

Why did you ask?
I knew you.
I created you and everything else.
They are all mine.

Why did you ask?
The wealth is mine.
The children and health.
They are all mine.

Why did you ask?

One less, many more...

Coffee-less?

How is that possible?
I live coffee...

But one week ago, I chose to fast coffee just to see if I can do without it.
And today, it is day 10! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I used to walk to my kitchen cabinet and grab my fav Nescafe when I want a drink.
I used to walk into a cafe and immediately look at the 'coffee'  menu.
Now, I paused and read the menu.
I take longer to decide on my drink.
But I start realizing that there are other options on the menu.

To do without, I realize there are others.
One less, many more.

"I don't care"

"Yes, I really don't care"

Should I be bothered by what you think? 

Should I care about how you look at me? 

Does it really matter?

"I don't care"

Easier said than done.

The human is naturally inclined to care... 

Or just ke-poh...

We stop at a Facebook post to see what others are doing. 

We check the number of likes we have on Instagram.

We see the views we have on Snapchat.

And inside we all know that it doesn't really matter.

We stop to see the accident at the shoulder of the road.

We turn our heads when a child start crying in the restaurant. 

Or a couple fighting in public.

Could we really not care? 

"Maybe not"

"I just have to care"

It affects me. 

To care and not to care the same.

The former is vulnerable.

The latter drains. 

Consciously or unconsciously.

I guess I still care.

Who am I?

If authentic is 100%, how would I rate myself?
Is the outside 'me' still the same 'me'?
What have I become?
Is it really still 'me'?

The recent years, I have been asking that question to myself more...
"Who am I?"
Have I lost myself to the mould that society expect?
Even if the mould is the church?

"Fake it till you make it"
Really?
I have faked it till I'm now fake.

Can I not be nice just because society expect it from me?
Can I just be free and not do anything?
Just because I can doesn't mean I have to.

I have a voice...
I am 'me'.

But, where is that voice?
Where has the 'me' gone to?

I probably think I'm right...

I'm probably also foolish to think so...
Am I really right?
Could I be wrong?

Most likely...

Just because someone is loud, doesn't mean they are right...
Just because someone is persistent, doesn't mean they are right...
Just because some things are repeated, doesn't mean they are right...

What then is right?

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
But the Lord weighs the heart"
- Proverbs 21:2 -

Better to be wrong, then to have a proud heart.

To experience a God who can heal...

The last post, I wrote about God as my carpenter who fix broken vessels... The idea of God as a healer is not a foreign concept... Flip open the Bible, and you can read it everywhere.

Then I asked myself: "Why does it takes so long for me to realise that?"

To pray for others and believe for healing takes faith.
But to know and experience God as my personal healer takes more faith...
Or harder still, is to humble myself and realise that I need healing.

That one touch is all it takes to make me want more of God.
Humility is not low self-esteem.
Humility is realizing that I couldn't on my own, and I need to depend on others.

Broken Vessels

"Why is my Christian life constantly on a roller coaster?"
This has been a question I have constantly been looking for answers... One moment, I'm this faith-filled Christian who trust God. On other moment, I can question and doubt if God is really present in my life.

“But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.”
‭‭II Timothy‬ ‭2:20-21‬ ‭

As Christians, the Bible liken our lives as vessels which should be used for honor.
Ps. Andy Harrison at Planetshakers Awakening taught us that as vessels (or containers), we are created for the purpose of carrying the presence of God... If the container is filled with other stuffs, it loses it's original purpose. And sometimes, this container can be broken. And he ended the session reminding us that our savior Jesus Christ was once a carpenter and he can fix broken vessels.

Today (during the worship and prayer time), I came to realize that my vessel has many cracks on them, and it's contantly leak out stuff. And this vessel need to be fixed quickly. As a  tumbler which is leaking, it annoys its user and causes much frustration and could even lead to anger (if it wets some important document).

In church, I can be filled with the presence of God... But because the vessel is leaking, it's easy to be frustrated and angry at little things which come my way. And down the road, the vessel unknowingly is carrying  anger, frustration, insecurities and fears which was initially supposed to carry the presence of God. But on Sunday, the vessel is reset to its original purposes... I confess my sin, and God's presence fill me again... And not too long later, the whole cycle repeat itself and the leaking gets worse.

Frustrating. Draining.

And the solution is to come to the best carpenter Himself. He touched me, He patched up the holes, He filled-in the cracks... And when the vessel is fixed, He fill it with His presence.

And this vessel has been restored. It can be used effectively again.

God is the ultimate restorer of my life!