Mandarin and me... When the song turns into worship...

I guess not many people know that I can't read and write Mandarin until I tell them so... Well, I must say I am thankful to be able to speak Mandarin at least... Though, I must admit how I dreaded Mandarin classes since I was young...

Mandarin class experience for me was BAD! Till today, all I remembered from my extra Mandarin classes were getting whack on my hands for the mistakes from some spelling test equivalent. And if I remembered correctly, I would cry and wail (exaggerated) in class, developing a total hatred for the teacher... Totally dreaded class... Plus they were EXTRA class.

And since then, I have never been interested in picking up the language... The only time I would use it is with my relatives...  And I pride myself being brought up in an English family. Never really understood why Chinese school students are forced to memorize phrases or even the entire essays... Or the bucket loads of homework... Back then, I will just laugh them off, thinking that that must be the worst way of studying languages.

Well, things change when I enter secondary school... I sat next to a Chinese Ed student... Came in class, and the first time she spoke to me was in Mandarin... Oh no!!!!!!!! I thought I was doomed... But as I get to know her, I was amazed that she is also good in Malay and English!!!!  Her mum is a BM lecturer, and her English was flawless... That was when, those stereotype that I build since young starts to collapse. I started speaking Mandarin occasionally... And I guess that has contributed to my Mandarin today... Not something that anyone should be proud of, but definitely something I will be grateful to have.

So, why this random post? 
It is because I just came back from a CNY CG which was conducted all in Chinese... It was tough... Leading Worship in English was OK, but when it needs to be done in Mandarin, it was super duper hard. First, I need to depend on my best friend Google Translate to help me come up with Han Yu Pin Yin... Then listen to the song over and over again... And yet not able to memorize the lyrics... Next, I need to deliberately force myself to memorize the lyrics, though I don't quiet understand half of it... And at last, I need to gather every fiber of courage within me and speak it out (hoping that I don't embarrass myself along the way). The last step has got to be the hardest... Was debating within myself whether should I say something? Or should I just keep quiet?

But thankfully, it was over... Wouldn't say that it was my best Worship leading, but definitely grateful to God for showing up (even though I kinda screwed up in the beginning with so much going in my head). Learnt the most important lesson in Worship... It's not about our ability in singing, or our voice, etc... But the attitude of our heart. Worship is the condition of our heart. When we reached chorus, when we sang 'Shen shen ai Ni Yesu, Shen shen ai Ni Yesu, Wo ai Ni chaoyue sheng ming chong yiqie', that was it! Not the Chinese which I am not familiar with, but rather me singing with all my heart that I love Him, and I love Him, and I love Him. That was when the song turns into worship.

... That was when the song turns into worship :)