"To get up, I need to cut off the chains that are holding me down."
Let's start from there.
After all the the "are you ok?" texts, "Let me know if there is anything I can help" messages, the silence that follow was the hardest. When there is no one else in the room, the mask is taken off. The pain and fear will come in like a gush of strong waves.
Through writing it out, I am hoping to discover the 'solution' to my problems.
It shall be like a dialogue I have with myself.
Our little debate, our little arguements.
Our little chats, and maybe even our little jokes.
* * *
"I failed as a daughter."
To my parents and to God whom I call my Father.
It felt terrible. The pain of failure coupled with the guilt and shame is crazy!
I was away from home for ten years. Time flew by too quickly while I was away, but it was ten long years when I try to recall our last memories together.
How my parents have aged over the years...
What are their favourite makan places?
What were their daily routines?
* * *
I couldn't turn back time... How I wish I could...
Life is a one-way road, no U-turns, just detours and the journey has to go on, regardless.
So yes, live and let live. Let go and carry on!
But this time, I will be wiser.
